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About Deviant Nielle MarieFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 13 Years
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Yesterday :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 1 Swirling Factors :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 0 Floating Raeboat :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 0 Troy :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 0 Invictus Duo icon :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 0 Avi Art :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 2 Hayama Rae :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 9 5 Rebel :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 0 Rae's List :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 1 Joey the Emo Kid :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 2 Updated Reading List :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 15 The Phenomenon :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 2 Scientific Hypotheses :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 0 Unentirely :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 0 Swirls :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 2 Lily :iconravenfirei:ravenfirei 0 1


before, before
i am only just thirteen. he is sixteen. i am in love/lust/crush.
my best friends big brother, or friends ex boyfriend, is tall. once or twice i imagined kissing him. but he never would. he is friends with the boy who is sixteen. and besides he is my best friends big brother or my friend's ex boyfriend. and i am not a bad person.
i am tall too, you know. i am stretched skyward but there was no more to stretch, just bone. so i am not really that tall at all. but i pretend i am. how tall are you? oh above average, you know, pretty tall.
the brother says want to come and see j? and my heart leaps and i sing yes but he only hears a nod and there's no time to change. my chest is flat and my shirt doesn't cover my belly button but i don't really mind, you know, it's brown and flat like stretches of australia my father used to talk about. that's me; land.
the air is the kind of cool it only ever is at nighttime. not winter, no that's a different kind. you can tell by the night-y smell and the
:iconpretty-as-a-picture:Pretty-As-A-Picture 597 198
because i love you.
listen, just for a few minutes.
take a few deep breaths [even if you don't want to breathe anymore]. listen to the pitter-patter of your heart beating in your ears and feel your pulse racing. taste the silence of the world; see the anxiety take over you.
close your eyes and look at the black. look at the black until you see something worth holding onto inside of yourself. wait until breathing doesn't feel like a losing game and then open your eyes,
and listen.
look, you
are wonderful. you remind me of a lullaby in winter, sung like a secret not meant for anyone to know; but it's a shame, because you're one of the most beautiful songs.
maybe you're fireworks that sparkle and light up the july sky - but unlike fireworks, you'll keep glowing into forever.
or maybe you’re just you, and that’s more than enough.
i know there's magic in the world.
[you're proof.]
i'd give you a rainbow if it erased the gray days; i'd give you a mirror if it made you see how wonderful you really
:iconamertie:Amertie 1,703 598
Save The Whales
"You know what?"
"No, what?"
"We should never fall in love."
"Huh? Why?"
"Well, it's simple, really."
"Explain it to me, then."
"We're opposites, you and me. You're the sun, I'm the moon. You are day, I am night. You're warm and you beat with the vitality of life. I'm pretty chilly and I beat my fists against the mirror for showing me reality instead of dreams."
"I still don't quite understand."
"I am a dreamer, and you are a dream."
"Thanks, I guess."
"No, listen--you're like the people who say 'save the whales'. You want to save the world, you want to do some good. You want to make a change, make a difference. And me... well, I'm the whale. I can't do anything except wait for you to finally save me."
"I'll save you. I don't mind."
"I'll never thank you. I'm a whale; I can't talk."
"I don't care. I'll save you anyway. And you're wrong, you know."
"About what?"
"I'm not quite what you make me out to be. I laugh so I won't cry, yet that doesn't save me when I'm alone. I try to save the
:icongir-gir:Gir-Gir 1,919 421
i’m no savior, i cannot fix you.
i’m barely mended myself.
i’m no jesus, i cannot save you.
i can’t even save myself.
i’m not a concept, not an ideal, there are no rainbows in my veins.
i’m not flawless, not absolute, my life is woven of mistakes.
i’m no god, i cannot heal you.
i’m just trying to heal myself.
i’m no idol, i cannot lead you.
i can’t even lead myself.
do not look to me for answers,
i will reply in questions.
do not look to me for hope,
i will reply with sadness.
i am not a dream,
no perfection can come from me.
i am not a torch,
no illumination can emit from me.
i am merely a pile of bones,
coupled with a heap of recycled flesh.
my eyes are dull and my mind is numb,
my fingers tracing empty lines
on your silky neck.
i am nothing more than human.
:iconsubstitutesadist:SubstituteSadist 21 27
the end of forever.
i don't know what to tell you.
i could tell you that i'm sorry, but that wouldn't change that i didn't do anything wrong.
i could tell you that i miss you, but that would just give you another opportunity to break my heart.
i could tell you that you're being stupid and immature and selfish and hypocritical, but my opinion doesn't seem to matter anymore.
because we both know that no matter what i do, no matter what i say, i'm still going to end up being the one crying myself to sleep at night while you're dreaming happily of chains being cut and being set free.
i am sorry for something.
i'm sorry i was such a burden to you, i'm sorry you had to force yourself for me. i'm sorry i smothered you. i'm sorry i couldn't accept you for you. i'm sorry i was constantly using the things i did for you against you and i'm sorry i kept showing you my thoughtless side instead of the one you really liked about me. just because you can accept my flaws doesn't mean that it's okay for me to have them.
:iconsubstitutesadist:SubstituteSadist 46 38
wishes on stars.
i. sometimes, i wish i could forget you.
sometimes, i wish i could forget the smell of your skin and the shade of your eyes and the sound of your breathing and the sound of your voice, whispering in the dark.
sometimes, i wish the guy in my memories - counting the clouds with me, climbing out my window under the stars, trying to throw rocks past the horizon, holding me, saying iloveyou- was just a faceless black shadow.
because maybe then remembering wouldn't hurt so much.
ii. i watched a t.v. show today.
in it, this beautiful girl won the lead part in some ballet performance. the dance hall was full of mirrors. she was dancing and laughing and crying in all of them.
and i have no idea how that feels; what she was feeling. and for a moment, i wished i did.
iii. everywhere i go, i feel out of place, awkward, and lonely. it's like i'm the piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit, no matter how hard you try to make it belong.
so tell me, please - where do i belong?
(i wish someone had
:iconamertie:Amertie 91 145
my mind replays
memories of us
each night, and
i am lost, lost
in the shadows of
your eyes, the curve
of your almost-smiles,
the lullabies in your
voice, the sound of
your footsteps.
don't wake me up
just yet.
i told you that
i would change, that
i'd paint the sky violet
for you, that i would
miss you, and i could
catch you a rainbow,
or a heart beat,
or star, or a smile,
or whatever you want,
but 'whatever you want'
was not me, and
i was never enough
to make you stay.
all i ever wanted
was for you to say
'i love you',
but i guess
some things
are better left unsaid.
:iconamertie:Amertie 313 250
photographs of us.
the first thing i noticed about you was your smile. it pulled me in, and i was a fool for not resisting.
i guess you could say i loved your smile more than i loved you.
we watched a thunderstorm from your porch, leaves and rain falling down, wind howling, thunder roaring.
you said the flashes of lightning were beautiful, and you watched them with your eyes closed.
but i couldn't bring myself to close my eyes, not even for a second.
i was too busy staring at you.
we were standing on a bridge, watching the water run run run beneath us. fireflies danced in the air, playing a game of tag that i could only watch; never join.
your voice broke my thoughts. 'isn't it amazing how humans can link one piece of land to another with bridges like this one?'
i could only nod and wish someone would invent bridges to link people.
bridges that no one would ever knock down.
'love is a lie,' you told me. it was winter, snow falling around us, and i reached for your hand in the cold
:iconamertie:Amertie 352 296
and when the music stops.
i tried to dance on the breath of time with you, but
i only ended up tripping.
i would've let you be the rocket if i would've been space.
[space is black, lonely, empty.
rockets are hopeful, beautiful. rockets are goingsomewhere.]
this is the shadow of a memory, the breath of a chance.
we could've spent the rainy days chasing the dreams in your heart.
and maybe, if we had more time, we could've looked into ourselves and thought of ourselves as a garden.
maybe then we would've realized that the weeds are there for a reason.
maybe then you would've believed me when i called you beautiful.
we put veils over the parts of ourselves we wanted to hide.
you breathed waterfalls and holes and explosions.
[as much as you loved beautiful things, you were best at destruction.]
i found comfort in your shadow, but your shadows never were very forgiving. i only managed to get lost, without a co
:iconamertie:Amertie 288 209
Moon Field :iconradittz:Radittz 10,535 517
i've been thinking and...
i've come to a realization:
no one can make me smile the way you do.
:iconamertie:Amertie 251 210
all we need is music. :iconm0thart:M0THart 13,006 745
dear seven year old self.
dear seven year old self—
i cannot tell you how many letters i've written, even just at seventeen, so practice your letters with grace, early. starting in a few weeks, you'll cry so long and deep your cheeks run dry, starting with when daddy comes home with a new job 213 miles away and gently tells you that he's given away all four of your baby chicks. you'll dig empty graves for them, right next to all eight of your old goldfish and you'll keep crying when you find you can't take the little rotting bodies with you because the neighbor's cat has come and taken his fill. the last thing unplugged from the empty house will be a little pink phone, covered in childish tears as you sob goodbyes to your first and only best friend. but don't waste your breath; you'll never think of her again.
you will not like your new school. in fourth grade, remember that not everyone needs your help. don't kick boys just because they make other girls cry, the girls will think you rough and the boys wil
:iconlolitamomo:lolitamomo 6 7
Sleeping bunny :iconoborochann:Oborochann 5,182 461



[Personal Survey Meme] jacked from *joodlez

[x] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses. (but eh, i lost them.)
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles. (the asianversion, anyway? i think.)

Family/Home Life
[x] I've sworn at my parents. (not to their faces)
[x] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[] I want to have kids someday. (Just not... looking forward to pregnancy and labour)
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

[x] I'm in school
[ ] I have a job
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school
[x] I almost always do my homework.=
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year
[ ] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired

[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public. (leggings. but no one noticed.)

[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment
[ ] I've gotten stitches/staples
[ ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor's office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed. (mine haven't grown in yet... )
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[x] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts. (.. i don't remember anymore. if i did, it was in fifth grade.)
[x] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from myspace. (well, technically, it was from, heh.)
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

[ ] I'm single.
[x] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher. (thought i did, for a while.)
[x] I am a cuddler.
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[ ] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[x] I've been in a fist fight. (with my bro. good times. )
[ ] I've been arrested.

[ ] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. (well, it's when i'm getting over my cold .. like, a week after i stop being sick XD)
[x] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose. (hurt=/= cut, btw)
[x] I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[x] I'm afraid of dying. (...depends when)
[x] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide. (as a hypothetical situation)
[ ] I've attempted suicide. (what i did doesn't count. it was just stupidity. xD)
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga. (used to.)
[x] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece. (they're hand-me-downs from my mother and my aunt, but
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie.

[ ] I can sing well. (I can sing on key, but not well)
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[~sorta] I open up to others easily. You ask me a question I'm most likely going to answer it.
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs. (bug project, wtf. XD)
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly. (in my head.)
[x] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[x] I twirl my hair.
[x] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam
[x] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[ ] I bake well. (I lick the batter well?)
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue
[x] I've worn pajamas to school. (IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOU'RE MISSING OUT)
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. (OMG CAN YOU NOT.)
[~sorta] I laugh at my own jokes. (Yeah. I'm sad like that. )
[x] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.

[x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[x] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[~i'm not ticklish at alllll.] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games. (or I'd... like to more frequently OTL)
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[x] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[x] All of those are answered honestly (but really... I could be lying here.  *MAKES YOU THINK*)
  • Listening to: Miss Murder - AFI
  • Reading: Euro book


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Satah Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2009
thanks for the fav on saddrunk
Boo0ger Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2008  Student Digital Artist

Add me as your friend, teehee!
kipi-cosplay Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2008
thanks for watch ^^
seadworp Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2008  Student Traditional Artist
thanks for the favs!
soyandwindows Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2008
she's on your watchlist
circledot Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
liliat Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2008
thank you :rose:
klutzydiva Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2008  Student
thanks for the fave dear :hug:
touchxthexsky Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2008
Thanks a bunch for the fave!
KaelNgu Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2008  Professional Digital Artist
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